If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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