Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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