Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
