she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
honey bunches of taint.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
