I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
