I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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