Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
