NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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