Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
