Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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