Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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