dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
