I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
