Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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