so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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