honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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