worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
bring money and cleavage
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
