imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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