cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
