your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
