i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
