i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
