Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
