He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
