I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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