You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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