Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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