he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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