I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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