No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
