She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
