Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
