By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize