i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
