Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
