chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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