Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
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WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize