He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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