Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
