then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
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I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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