...so i touched it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
