I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I didn't notice because vodka
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
