I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it glows. i had to have it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
