Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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