As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
