ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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