He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So much rum. So many feels.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
