That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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