this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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