i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
