I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we have pet lesbian snakes
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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