SEEEEXXX PLEASE
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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