First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she pinky promised me she was 18
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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