sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
COCAINE IS GR8
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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