There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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