in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
